Gratitude

Sometime last week I posted on Facebook about what I wished for, for Christmas. I said in that status that all I wished for was  “one of those steak & kidney pies you buy at a garage, a packet of Nik Naks and a Coke”. I wasn't kidding.

But a friend quizzed me after my status if I was sure that this is what I truly wanted for Christmas. After thinking a while about it, I realized that indeed there was nothing more I wanted or wished for - I was content. Other than enjoying a good meal, being home and at peace, there is nothing more I really wanted. And that's when it hit me that I was truly happy, something I had yearned for for years.

Let me be a little self-indulgent today, and I will not hold you against it if you stopped reading right now.

2014 has been an awesome year for me. I saw God come through for me in amazing ways on so many levels. No, I did not get offered a billion dollar job. Nor did I win an all-expenses paid holiday. No, none of that. I simply woke up one day and I was happy. I was grateful and content. Most exhilarating feeling. 

But I think more than that, this feeling was coming from God’s subtle revelation of Himself to me that I became aware of His presence in my life, regardless of whatever I might have been going through. That awareness, although it is never permanent, for it comes and it goes, never to be captured and monumentalized, is the most amazing thing you will experience in your life. It is so overwhelming that you want to share it with the world. But you hold back, because you fear people will not get it. They will not understand. But maybe they aren’t meant to. 

But I digress. 

The point is that this experience left me with what one author called “a smiling heart”, and this is where I experienced that famous description which Paul gave as a “peace that surpasses all understanding”. Amazing stuff. 

Okay let me stop rambling. 

The year is drawing to a close, although there is no cosmic closure to what I believe God is doing in our generation. In that vein and on a personal front, let me continue with my self-indulgence, in the hope that I might encourage someone out there....

Earlier this year, there was this thing on Facebook where people would challenge each other to what was dubbed  the “7-day Gratitude Challenge”. So each day, for 7 days, one would post on Facebook a list of things that they are grateful for. I took the challenge head-on when two of my friends posed it to me. I did not complete the course, not for lack of things to be grateful for, but simply because I got distracted with things I was busy with at the time – the challenge coincided with my leave back at home in South Africa. 

Be that as it may, for the benefit of those I am not friends with on Facebook, I am going post the Gratitude posts here. 

So this is what has been my journey this year.... 

************************Beginning of Facebook Gratitude Posts************************

Day 1 (September 4^th 2014)

1.    I am grateful for God, without whom I am nothing.

2.    I am grateful for my 3 parents (how lucky can I guy be, to have 3)

a.     My dad, the best man I have ever known. My biggest intercessor (I think). I would be so content if I ever have half the integrity this old man has. He couldn’t have set a better example for his offspring.

b.    My mother, Faith Matsila, posthumously. For the heritage she left me. I am told she loved her children (well, it’s not always obvious, you know). And I have no doubt she did, because she sacrificed many things for my education. I was able to afford my first car because of what she left me; the car through which I could be able to do my job and so forth and so on….

c.     My step-mother, Connie Matsila. For her warm and very very BEEEG heart. Of that, she has set the bar very high. I’ll leave it here.

3.    I am grateful for my siblings. And I shall also name them one by one (I figure since you've read this far, you can read further  )

a.     My sister, Fulu. In many, many ways, she became my mother when mom died. She was just 13 years old. Of her, I can talk till the sun goes down, but I’ll spare you.

b.    My elder brother, Lufuno, posthumously. He gave me my first political lesson before I turned 7. I can’t say I would agree with his politics today, but ja.

c.     My elder sister Mulalo (or Lally). Can I just say, she was mean to me and my twin sister and boy was she a bully, but Lufuno always used to sort her out. No, seriously, I love my sister. She has my back. Always did.

d.    My twin sister Vhuhwavho, also posthumously. One day, I will write about her. She is sorely missed, but I’m glad I shared all that I did with her.

e.    Lastly, my little brother Kone (oh by the way, I named him when he was a few days old. Apparently my parents always took me seriously, even when I was just 6 years old. I wish I knew what his name means though.)

Day 2 (September 5^th 2014)

When I was a young boy of about 5 or 6, I had a hit and run accident. Okay, let me not be over-dramatic, I was hit by a bicycle. But it was quite traumatic. Anyway, the bloke that ran me over rode away. I don’t know how I made it home. To this day, the smell of rubber takes me back to that day. I would later in life, just before and just after I turned 21, survive two motor car accidents that could have easily claimed my life.

In the context of that little preamble, today, I want to be grateful for the following

1.    In all that I have faced and endured, I am forever grateful to God, for giving me the grace which allowed me to say, “Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him” (Job 13:15a). One day, I hope I'll be able to explain why such an odd scripture can be tied up with gratitude. For now, let me just say, there is no better place to be than in the arms of God. Be it in health, sickness, even in the shadow of death, you will do well to be in His arms. Lamentations 3:21-22 comes to mind.

2.    I am grateful for our erstwhile helper, Vho-Edith, who took care of me after that near death experience, nursing me back to health.

3.    I am grateful for my varsity Christian family that stood by me when all seemed lost and hopeless. God bless them.

4.    I’m grateful for some of my classmates and friends who pushed and spurred me on to persevere, many of whom I still call friends.

5.    Those who have been in accidents, will tell you how quickly and sudden they happen. It's very funny how something that happens so sudden, can be so life-altering. It is in those moments, that you get to appreciate the preciousness of life. With that, I'd like to say I'm grateful for life. I'm grateful for life. I'm grateful for life. I think you get the drift.

I wish I had more ink to write things down. So much to be grateful for. So much.

Day 3 (September 6^th 2014)

My old man tells me that when I was a young boy I used to tell him that when I grow up I want to work in Australia. Of all places. Clearly "when I was a child I thought like a child".

In any event, an opportunity arose exactly 2 years ago that I'd be posted to the Democratic Democratic of Congo, and I grabbed it with both hands. Many thought it was a bold move. But I didn't think so. In April last year the move was made final, and I came to the DRC. It has turned out to be one of the best decisions I've made in the last few years.

So today I dedicate this status to what has been my second home, the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

1.    I am grateful for the refuge that this country has been for me. This is where I have been recharging myself. Every second month I get an opportunity to visit home for a few weeks, and each time, without fail, I take with me interesting lessons which are of immense benefit to me.

2.    I am grateful that this country, having a painful history of gross human violations by its colonizers, has opened up its hands to a fellow like me. I know it has opened up its hands to me because I see it in the way the Congolese people I interact with have embraced me as their own. And I feel absolutely at home.

3.    I am also grateful that it is through this country's openness that I am able to make a living and put bread on my table, something I do not take for granted.

4.    This is unusual, but I will end this gratitude speech by making a wish and prayer, and it is this: I pray that the DRC is able to remove itself from the shackles a bitter war, disease and poverty. Although I live a relatively comfortable life in this country, I am not oblivious to the abject poverty millions in this country live under. Millions die from diseases which in a country like South Africa, such diseases would be cured at the blink of an eye. I see poverty everywhere I go. Many times I choose to turn a blind to the poverty and pain I see because it's too painful to witness. It's cowardly, I know. But I hope with time, I will have the boldness to face this poverty and help in any way it can.

For your benefit, here are some pictures of the beautiful Congo.

Day 4 (September 8^th 2014)

This morning I woke up to a very beautiful morning in Joburg. And in spite of all its demons (and angels), I felt very privileged to be living in this city (well kind of). After taking my car in for a service, I was able to come back home and then go for a very refreshing jog. And for that, I felt absolutely privileged.

Yesterday I was unable to update on the ‪#‎GratitudeChallenge because I was traveling and stuff.

Today I would like go out on a limb and unmask the face of depression, and with that, I want to show why I am very grateful this morning.

This thing called depression is very ugly, and a silent killer of many MEN. A very wonderful lady and psychologist I was consulting used to always tell me that depression is dangerous because unlike a physical wound, it is invisible and can go undetected for a long time, festering into something septic which becomes difficult to treat.

For a long time, I was a comfortable home of this ugly sickness (and that's what it is) and I was afflicted for years. For years and years I did not know what happiness was. Of course, I used to laugh. And yes, there were moments when I'd be happy and smile, but these were very short lived. As soon as I had become happy, I would quickly slip back into that dark place that feels like bottomless pit. A pit which you have have no idea whether you would be able to come out of.

Worst thing is "you're a man" and in our society, you do not have the luxury and privilege, let alone a platform, to admit that you have this sickness.

And I suppose that's why I feel justified in being open about my struggles, and although it makes me nervous sometimes, at least I'm able to sleep at night, something that I cherish.

So today, I want to be grateful for the following

1. Yesterday as the plane was hovering above Joburg trying to find its bearings for landing, I was at immense peace to be coming home. Previously, coming home or leaving, was a source of intense depression because a troubled soul is never at peace. He's always running. Very unsettled, and oh so turbulent. So whether I'm going "there" and coming "here", it doesn't matter, for your inner-self has become your own refuge and home. And for that, I breathed a prayer of thanks to God. To be able to be at peace and experience if like I did yesterday, was something I was so grateful for.

2.    Secondly, and more importantly, I am grateful to God for giving me that inner peace. Nothing surpasses it. He has proved to be a healer. That, I'm a witness of. Yes, hiccups and pain come recur now and again, but they are a mere reminder of where God has taken me from.

Ladies and gents, this is what I'm grateful for today.

Day 5 ((September 12^th 2014)

Being home is proving to be too handful. Lots of admin to be done. Never got a chance to update on my ‪#‎GratitudeChallenge. Here goes

I was standing outside my quarters at the camp where I live in the DRC, typing something on my tablet when an old man, a colleague of mine came up to me and asked, "Livhu, o etsang? Oa ngola? (Livhu what are you doing? Are you writing?". I said yes, indeed I'm writing. He continued, giving me affirmimation "tswela pele o ngole Livhu, rona ha ra ba le monyetla wa ho ithuta ho bala le ho ngola (go on and write Livhu. We never got a chance to learn to read and write)".

I was a little embarrassed by this affirmation because the truth is I wasn't really writing writing. I was Facebooking, but to be fair to myself, trying to explain the concept of Facebook to this old man would have been nearly impossible. So I chose to leave him with the idea that I was "writing". But whatever it was that I was doing, using the power of the written word, is something that he saw as a huge privilege which should be cherished.

You see, “Ntate Tshepo”, is a man in his fifties, born and raised in Lesotho. Like he says, he never got the privilege of learning to read or write. He started working in the mines from a young age. While standing outside and talking about writing, he admitted to me how much it embarrassed and pained him how every time when we get to customs at the airport, he needs to rely on someone to fill in forms for him. He went on to tell me how it was upsetting it is for him when he sees young ones not taking the advantage of privilege of being literate.

Today, I'm grateful for the gift of literacy and and the use of the written word. Being able to read and write are two things I have learned never to take for granted.

Day 6 (September 13^th 2014)

There is something truly special about this song. It's probably because its title is precisely what my name means.

Today, I do not have any special story to illustrate my gratitude. No.

What I do have, however, are the words of this simple song, and nothing encapsulates my feelings this morning more than this song does, "Give thanks".

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to The Holy One
Give thanks because He has given Jesus Christ, His Son

And now, let the weak say I'm strong
Let poor say I'm rich
Because of what The Lord has done for us
Give thanks

(This is me this morning)

**********************************End of Facebook Gratitude Posts**********************************

And thus ended my Gratitude Challenge. What a year it has been.