Wishes of an Uncle

I am a very privileged uncle of 4 boys aged fourteen (14), thirteen (13), nine (9) and the last one is just a tender three (3) years old. The 13-year old has a quiet demeanour, and being the eldest, he always assumes the role of observing and monitoring what his younger brothers and cousin are up to, casually exercising his authority when it’s absolutely necessary, albeit diplomatically. The second one has the natural flair of being able to perceive things a kid his age normally struggles to comprehend, and he’s not shy to flaunt his intelligence. The third one is just a marvel. He will either make you laugh with his amazing wit and sense of humour, or make you cringe with embarrassment as he doesn't believe in keeping his opinion to himself. I don’t know how many times my sister would call to tell me what latest thing this lad had just asked the visitors, or said to a teacher. Whatever it is he is thinking, you will know about it. And finally, there’s the youngest one who is just too clever for his age. Love him.

But all 4 are unique and they make our family gatherings very colourful. Perhaps it is this individual character uniqueness that makes me wonder and think of the men they all will be one day. I have high hopes for all four of them. I hope that they find their purpose in life and pursue it, and be the best that they can be. But more than WHAT they will be in life, I often wonder about WHO they will be, what kind of people they will be. What kind of MEN will they be, that’s what keeps me awake at night.

These boys are still wet behind the ears, and only one of them has just entered teenage-hood, but my overactive mind has already ventured into the future and I've asked myself if I will one day be a proud uncle to negotiate lobola for any of these nephews of mine. Will I be a bold enough to ask a family to release a daughter for marriage to these boys?

I know I know, all these questions will probably be what King Solomon calls vanity of vanities. It’s not wise to ask such questions, he would probably say, because you don’t know what the future holds.

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I had a friend back in varsity and we both had a heart for serving the community. We got into a discussion once about what role we would each play in society upon leaving university. How would we help develop and heal society? Our common understanding of what society needed was that ALL people needed healing, what President Mandela would call the “Reconstruction and Development Programme (RDP) of the soul”.  Where we differed is how we would individually tackle this problem. My approach was quite simply, “I want to help restore the broken family structure of our country because it is families that produce people, and people make the societies we have”. So it was my firm belief, and still is, that what South Africa needs is a restoration of the family unit.

But with the passing of time I have come to wonder whether stable, loving and well-grounded families are all that we need to produce well-rounded individuals who are ready to positively contribute to society. Would hugging my nephews a bit more and giving them pats on the back make them responsible citizens? Is that too simplistic, or is it not? I honestly don’t have the answers to all these questions. This is probably one of the very few times I will admit to not having an answer.  

In the meantime, I will keep wondering, but praying for my nephews. I want them to grow to be men of integrity and truth. I hope and pray that they will grow up in the fear of God and one day make honest husbands and responsible parents. Regardless of what the South African man has become, I want my nephews to grow up living honest and truthful lives, knowing that it is costly to be different from the crowd, but it is also hugely rewarding.

I don’t necessarily pray and hope for them to live in a better world, but I hope that they MAKE a better world around them, for it is the individuals who make the society.